The Marauders' Butt
by Red Scar
Summary: PG for disgusting and crude humor. This is a weird story of a mysterious Mischief Tool that came in a disgusting form. Read and know.
1. The Package

A/N: This is one of my ridiculous ideas. For those who hate disgusting stuff, please click 'BACK' and you're outta here.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

CHAPTER 1 

At the Burrow, Harry Potter re-read the letter sent by his godfather, Sirius Black and inspected the strange, scarlet package sent with the letter.

_Dear Harry,_

_            This is one of our successful mischief tools the Marauders had used at Hogwarts. I don't think I have any use of it so I thought you'd have fun using it. If you can use The Marauder's Map, you will be a master using this. Have fun!_

Sirius 

_P.S. I heard the Weasley twins are jokesters. Please make sure they use this._

"Ron, Hermione, there is something I want you to see," Harry called downstairs.

            He heard ENOURMOUS stomping up the stairs and Ron stormed in.

            "Yes?"

            Harry, Ron and Hermione inspected the strange package. "Sirius sent this. He said it's a mischief tool," Harry said.

He soon untied the green ribbon and without warning, opened the package.

Then suddenly a blast of green gas filled Ron's room. Nobody could see through the thick gas. It smelt extremely disgusting. Harry covered his nose and squinted through the dense atmosphere to make out something. Then they heard a bang. Harry turned and saw a magical vacuum cleaner. He tapped the vacuum cleaner and the gas was sucked into it. In a few seconds the room was clear.

"Hey Harry, did you hear a bang?" Ron asked.

"Yes. What about it, Hermione? Hermione?"

They looked down. Hermione fainted *bang*. 

"Let's check what's inside," Ron suggested.

Ron checked. "BLAH!!!"

Hermione, who finally woke up, checked too. "EEEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!"

Harry finally checked. "Oh my…. It's a…."

"BUTT!!" Harry showed the butt. Hermione screamed and fainted *bang* again.

"Bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaimed.

            "He also said if I can use the Marauder's Map, I could use it," 

Harry then stepped closer to the butt. He then punched it. It wobbled. Hermione who was VERY unfortunate to wake up to see the butt wobble, fainted *bang* again. Ron and Harry looked at their foul package for a few minutes.

            "Let me see," Ron pushed Harry aside, "_I solemnly swear that I am up to…" _

Hermione woke up just to hear Ron say, "_…no good."_

Then a foul, smelly blast of gas was released. The dense fart once more filled the atmosphere. Then there was another bang and they knew Hermione fainted *bang* again on the floor. After the gas was cleared a poor Hermione had chosen an inconvenient time to wake up.

"Look, Hermione! Writings!" Ron showed her the green words all over the butt. Hermione fainted *bang*. 

Harry read the words.

YOU ARE NOW USING THE MARAUDERS' BUTT. IT IS ONE STATE-OF-THE-ART, MULTI-PURPOSE MAGICAL MISCHIEF TOOL. IT DEPENDS ON THE NUMBER OF TIMES IT WAS TAPPED BY THE WAND. TAP IT ONCE AND IT'LL DISGUISE AS A PIECE OF PARCHMENT. TAP IT AGAIN AND IT'LL TURNED BACK TO ITS ORIGINAL FORM. TAP IT TWICE AND A BAG OF DUNGBOMBS WILL APPEAR AT THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT. TAP IT THRICE AND A FOUL STENCH WILL SHOOT OUT. TAP IT FOUR TIMES AND EXPERIENCE BROWN MUCK FLYING AT EVERY DIRECTION. YOU WON'T LIKE TO TAP IT FIVE TIMES. IF YOU DO, YOU'LL EXPERIENCE THE **ULTIMATE MISCHIEF**! 

HAVE FUN WITH IT!

"Let's test it!" Ron suggested.

Harry tapped the butt once. Immediately, it transformed into a piece of parchment.

"LOOK AT THIS HERMIONE!"

"Huh?"

Ron tapped the parchment. It expanded into the same pink butt. Hermione was terribly shocked and she fainted *bang*. They stood there thinking whether they should tap it twice. When Hermione woke up they finally decided.

Harry then tapped it twice. As said, a bag of Dungbombs appeared at the You-Know-What. Ron counted "3…2…1…" They heard a LOUD bang. They looked down. Yup, she fainted *bang*. 

            "We don't need to test what happens when we tap it thrice. Ron, you go," Harry said.

Ron tapped it four times. And once more Hermione picked the wrong moment to get up.

There was a rumble and all of a sudden, brown stuff flew everywhere. Ron took a pair of tweezers and inspected a sample. "BROWN MUCK!" he observed. You'd have guessed what Hermione did next. You're correct, she fainted *bang*. 

"We better clean this up before Mum sees this,"

After the cleaning session, Ron took his wand and was about to tap the butt when Harry stopped him. "Hermione had fainted *bang* a great deal. It's best if we stop the testing session for now,"

That's when two figures jumped out of Ron's bookshelf. Ron quickly transformed the butt into a piece of parchment. Harry groaned. 

It's Fred and George.

"We happened to sneak in his room when you were testing the "wonderful wonders" of that BUTT. Say Harry, can we borrow that butt at Hogwarts?"

Ron groaned. "Uh-oh," is all what Hermione said when she woke up.


	2. Hogwarts At War

Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling except the Butt.

            Things had just got smellier since Fred and George discovered the "wonderful wonders" of the Marauder's Butt. No matter where you went, the Great Hall, the Slytherin Common Room, the Charms classroom or even the girls' bathroom, you'd smell the delights of farts and Dungbombs put together. Even Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat, fainted *bang* at one smell. Beware of the second-floor corridor though, for the floor was filled with brown muck.

The professors all knew Fred and George were (obviously) behind all this, but they never knew how they got the money to buy two thousand bags of Dungbombs. They double-checked at Zonko's and the last time they bought a bag of Dungbombs was last year. 

Hogwarts had just started a free mask *Darth Vader breathing sound* sale to make sure the students would smell the stench. But, in some way, the Marauders' Butt was useful at the Quidditch pitch, making Gryffindor won the Quidditch match four times in a row. 

            Somewhere in the Gryffindor crowd, a spy (surprisingly was Lee Jordan) would tap his wand on the Butt three times using his toes. So altogether, a shower of 50 Dungbombs would fall around the pitch accompanying a strong scent. Of course, Madam Hooch was too stupid to notice a Dungbomb shower. The Gryffindor team had been wearing invisible masks *Darth Vader breathing sound* so it's not surprising they won the Quidditch Cup. And yes, Hermione spectated the match so, she fainted *bang*. 

            It happened when they were wandering about at the Hogwarts stench-free grounds. They happened to pass the Quidditch pitch. 

The pitch now seemed like a smelly battlefield. The craters the Dungbombs left and the traces of green gas were still visible. 

            While they were walking, they heard whispers. 

"Should we fly that Dungbomb over here?

"That's Trelawney's place. You know how well she predicts."

"What about here?"

"Snape's? Alright,"

"No, the coordinates are too far from ground 6."

"Maybe to ground 15 so that you can pass it at ground 50 and release it to ground 75."

"Hmm…. not good. That ground will be used at the same time as you."

"Ground 7 might be the best place to raise the signal down this bridge to release it over here and here. Alright?"

They looked through the bush. There was Fred and George (Who else would discuss about Dungbombs?) talking to Hagrid and surprisingly, DUMBLEDORE. 

"What on earth are you doing?" Harry asked.

"We were discussing about the Christmas feast. It'll soon be the STINKIEST party the students will never forget. Wanna join in?" Fred-or was it George-Fred-George-Fred-George-whoever explained.

"Oh yeah!"

25 December 1995, 8.00 pm

Ah! Christmas,

To see presents beneath the fire,

To hear students running around like madmen,

To taste turkey pudding as it vanished into the mouth,

To feel snow as it freezes your hands,

And to smell Dungbombs and farts put together. 

Harry smirked as he sat down, ready for the signal. He looked around. Hermione looked EXTREMELY sick. Ron was also looking for that signal, so was the rest of the Gryffindor house.

"Where is that stupid signal?" Ron asked.

"Over there!"

They looked up. Sure enough, a red flag was waving around.

"Neville, the signal's up!"

Neville seemed not to forget his job anymore. He kicked the Dungbomb beneath his feet and slowly, it traveled silently across the floor without anyone noticing it (they're totally starving to notice.) to the spy at the door. 

Dumbledore, Hagrid and McGonagall smiled. He got it. He quickly ran up the stairs. 

There was silence…for a moment.

"NOW! RELEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dumbledore shouted.

The shower of Dungbombs started spoiling the delicious turkeys. Everybody had at least one Dungbomb on his or her heads. For those who were Charms experts could make an umbrella out of their wands and those who have known this happening could take out their masks *Darth Vader breathing sound*. Unfortunately, for those who weren't Charms experts or didn't know anything about that operation, well, too bad for them.

"Seamus! To ground 54!" ordered Dumbledore, "You! Pass it! GO! GO! GO!"

"What are you shouting abou…" said Professor Snape but a Dungbomb flew at his face and interrupted his conversation

 "AAARRRGGGHHH!"

" McGonagall! Release it at ground 75…OH NO! Dungbomb at 60 mph! 4 o' clock…TOO LATE!!"

McGonagall, who was smart to use the Invisibility Cloak that she borrowed from Harry to hide the Dungbombs, released the deadly stinking load.

"PEEVES! NOW!"

The cupboard door opened and the poltergeist barged out with his freshly charmed Dungbombs that fly to the nearest person at 150 mph (very painful indeed!) and always fly back at him or her. Of course, he's insane so he just did it.

"HAGRID!" 

Hagrid, who could hide 60 Dungbombs in one pocket, which he had 10 pockets in his whole dirty suit, which meant he had 600 Dungbombs, used his powerful, muscular strength to fly the Dungbomb all around the hall (he could throw a Dungbomb 10 times the length of the Great Hall before landing). 

"WEASLEY TEAM! To the center of 150! I repeat! 1-5-0! Peeves to forty five!"

Parvati, who's smart brain was given this job, calculated the distances between grounds and moved pieces that represented the people to their places and shouted any tactic possible. ("NEVILLE! To ground 70 and throw it to 9 o' clock and join party 5 in ground 65!")  

"ALL OF GRYFFINDOR! REPORT TO YOUR RESPECTIVE GROUNDS AND PARTIES except Hermione, which will be excused to your dormitory. NOW!"

Some rushed to their dormitories for their pillows to take cover. But McGonagall transfigured their "sandbags" into sand so NO COVER!

"DEAN, RELEASE!"

Dean, who had been practicing toe-coordination, tapped the Butt hidden in the table three times.

The same green smoke streamed out of the table. Now, things really got smellier. Professor Sprout and Flitwick, who began to enjoy the chaotic situation, competed against each other to see who could catch the most Dungbombs and throw them back. Of course, Sprout won (Flitwick's too short.). Some fainted *bang*. 

Colin Creevey, the Muggle-born, began snapping photos and if anybody threw Dungbombs at his lens, he would take his own Dungbomb and kick it at the person who unwisely challenged his wrath (he knew how to play soccer). 

The other Muggle-borns, who knew how to play golf, asked their friends to enlarge their wands and used them as golf clubs. Oliver Wood was one of a million to escape without a single Dungbomb on his hea-…alas, spoke too soon. 

How fortunate for Professor Binns. He was a ghost.

The chaos had nearly ended when Filch barged in. He fainted *bang* and his cat, Mrs. Norris gave a squeal. McGonagall transfigured a Dungbomb into a clockwork mouse. Mrs. Norris was too unfortunate to swallow the mouse and burped out green gas a second before she fainted *bang* too. Then, they continued the war. 

When the war ended, ("FINALLY!" Hermione said in relief) the students came out either smelly or jumping around with glee.

Dumbledore winked at them and said, "So…who's hungry?" 


	3. The Insane Sorcerer

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. 

The next morning, the students entered the stinking (What do you expect the aftermath to be?) Great Hall and ate their breakfast. Malfoy was still groaning of how Peeves' Dungbombs made 10 bruises on his hands and 7 on his legs. Hermione looked as if she was going to faint *bang* at the stench but unfortunately did not.

When they wandered about the "still-stench-free" grounds, Harry noticed a black dog near a bush.

"Sirius?"

Harry, Ron and Hermione came in the bush. The dog transformed into Sirius Black.

"How is that Butt doin'?" Sirius asked.

"Dumbledore did something really stinky with it," Harry replied.

"I know. Dumbledore sent me a letter. I see that you're having fun,"

"Yup. What do you want now?"

"Nothin'. Just want to tell ya, DO NOT GIVE THE BUTT TO VOLDEMORT!"       

"Why?"

"I heard news that he's gone insane. Terrible. I overheard his plans."

"What are his plans?"

"Can't tell ya. Too disgusting."

That's when a short figure jumped out of a nearby tree.

"NO! Pettigrew!"

"STUPEFY!"

The next moment, nothing.

"You have them?"

"Yes, master,"

"Good. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *snort* *snort*"

Harry woke up of a sudden.

"Woke up too soon, Potter?"

"Voldemort."

He looked around. He recognized the place at once. He had seen this place before…in a dream…last year.

"The Riddle House." Harry observed.

"You are now in my USELESS home. Your friends too are fortunate to drop in,"

Harry saw Ron, Hermione and Sirius beside him.

Voldemort examined Harry and took out a piece of parchment.

"Is this what I'm supposed to find, Wormtail?"

"Yes, my lord."

Voldemort then took out his wand and tapped it. The parchment expanded back into the Marauders' Butt. Hermione fainted *bang*.

"Yes. This is it, Wormtail. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *snort* *snort*"

"Master. You need your medication." 

"Oh yes! *snigger* I have an appointment at the Joyful Place Hospital For the Mentally-Challenged and People Like You-Know-Who at 9 o' clock. Hmmm…maybe I should kill some people on the way *wheeze* Now, Wormtail, give me the dagger."

Wormtail then took out a box.

Ron whispered, "He is beginning to sound like a madman,"

Voldemort opened the box and took out a GIANT MEAT CLEAVER about 2 feet long and 1 foot wide and it gleamed although it was very dark. He began to laugh hysterically like a madman.

"On the other hand, HE **_IS_** A MADMAN!!!"

Voldemort then cut the Butt into two.

Hermione who took the wrong time to wake up, fainted *bang* again.

He searched through what's inside the Butt and took out a stick filled with brown muck.

"Alas! I have found James Potter's wand!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Harry felt as if he was going to throw up. "THAT'S MY DAD'S WAND?!" 

"What! What! What did you say?" said Hermione when she was awoken by Harry's shout.

Voldemort turned around. "Exactly, his wand is the only wand which can cast the Farting Charm. Want to have a taste of it?"

Hermione groaned.

"GASSIUS TOTALUS!!"

A stench worse than the Marauders' Butt filled the House.

Hermione (What else?) fainted *bang*.

"What are you *cough* going to *cough* do with it?" Harry asked.

"For years, I had *cough* used too much of the *cough* Killing Curse. I'm afraid my wand had run out of curses. So what better way to replace magic than MUGGLE TECHNOLOGY?"

He pulled out a cloth, revealing a huge gadget.

"What is that?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Can't you recognize a cannon when you see one?"

Voldemort hugged the cannon as if his girlfriend was in front of him. "With James' wand in this compartment," He then opened a drawer and put the wand inside it. "I can dominate the whole world with the GREEN PLANET PROJECT *thunder roaring*"

Wormtail then asked, "Master's growing trees?"

Voldemort looked back at Wormtail with disgust. "Why would Lord Voldemort, the greatest sorcerer in the world, PLANT TREES?" 

"To save the world?"

"AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! Never mind. When I press the red button, the electricity from the generators *taking deep breath* and reach for the magnetrons to form high frequencies around collected by the flow of charges through the primary wire and manage the negative charges from the secondary power line and turn the gravity ozone to the magnetrons and run from the parallel plug to the uneven plug and form the high pitched electrons that will act like a black hole and collect some of the Farting Charm from the compartment containing the wand and…it's no use showing off one-breath words…then will flow towards the contrary flow and zigzag around the electromagnetic field like a pinball and then the powers will energize my FACTORY!!!"

Questions burst into Sirius and Ron's puny minds.

"What is a tacfory…er…factory?" blurted Ron and Sirius at the same time.

Hermione replied, "I suggest all of you go and take Muggle Studies for a head start,"

Voldemort pressed a blue button and a door opened revealing a HUGE building.  

"As I left out, the funnels will release green gas and the whole world will be flooded with gas, thus succeeding my GREEN PLANET PROJECT *thunder roaring*!"

"Master's planting trees?"

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Never mind. HahahahahahamuahahahaHaHaHaHAHAHAHAHAHAMUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Sirius whispered, "Ron, I have to agree. He is a madman."

Harry shouted, "SOMEONE CALL THE ASYLUM!"

Wormtail quickly took out his mobile phone and called The Joyful Place Hospital for The Mentally-Challenged and People Like You-Know-Who. 

"Call done."

"NNNNNOOOOOO!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! OOOOHHH! OOOHHHH! OOOHHH!! OOOHHH! STAYIN' ALIVE! STAYIN' ALIVE!"

"Man, I _love_ this song," said Sirius as he danced with the groove.

"Master, your singing is too great. So great, I want to dance with you."

"Sure," Voldemort purred. "YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN! YOUNG AND SWEET ONLY FORTY-FIVE!"

"I RESENT THAT! I'M ONLY 37 YEARS OLD!" Pettigrew shouted. "I'm a SLAAAAAAAAAVE FOR YOU!!" The windows cracked. 

"Thank you. Anyway, back to business. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

As he laughed hysterically, he motioned towards the red button.

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"


	4. The End

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.

BOOM! In crashed the guy everybody knew.

"Professor Lupin?" 

Lupin replied, "Not **_Professor_** Lupin, Harry. Just plain Lupin."

He turned to Voldemort. "Voldemort, stop this at once!"

Voldemort began to go insane. "I would LOVE to stop it *chuckle* *chuckle* but, I pressed the red button! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Something that looked like lightning traveled from a grey box and made its way to the compartment containing the wand and immediately traveled through a pipe towards the factory.

Then, the funnels shot out green gas. 

"We're too late!" shouted Sirius.

"There is something left. The more he gets insane, the more he gets stupid," explained Hermione.

"How do you explain that?"

"He didn't tie us up."

"Hey, Hermione. What's this button?" asked Ron.

"That's the one that's labeled "Off"!" replied Hermione.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" shouted Voldemort.

Ron pressed. Nothing. Pressed again. Nothing.

"Oops, I remembered. I TOOK OUT ITS GADGET! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

Voldemort showed them the gadget he took out of the button.

Harry thought for 10 seconds. "Lupin, Sirius, try to get that gadget out of his hand and fix it. We'll handle the funnels."

Then, Harry, Ron and Hermione ran towards the ladder. The Death-Eaters nearby chased them up the factory. "Find a small funnel," Harry ordered. They searched and searched until they found one, just near a staircase.

"Put on your masks *Darth Vader breathing sound*. Hermione, do your stuff."

Hermione tapped her wand on the nails. The nails unscrewed themselves. They took out the funnel. Connected at the bottom are several wires.

"If I remembered some of Voldemort's explanation, even if we cut the wires, the funnels will still work. Give me that meat-cleaver."

He swung the meat-cleaver and cut out the wires. "Good, we've a weapon."

As they climbed down, curses ricocheted across the walls. Just one swing of the funnel could Disapparate a Death-Eater. When they reached the controls, there was chaos.

It seems that Lupin and Sirius were having a hard time controlling Voldemort. Dents were found almost everywhere. Harry swiftly pushed the funnel to Voldemort's belly and Hermione conjured up ropes and tied him so that the funnel was tied to his belly.

"HehehehehehehehehehehahahahahahahahahahamuahahahahahahahaHaHaHaHaHaHAHAHAHAHAHAMUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MY PLAN! IT IS WORKING! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'M SEEING GREEN GAS EVERYWHERE!!!" In all the hysterical laughing, Voldemort dropped the gadget. Lupin fixed the gadget and pressed the button. The gas stopped coming out of the funnels…except one, the one tied to Voldemort.

"Why the gas won't stop coming out from that funnel?" asked Hermione.

"Because it was disconnected from the wires," replied Harry.

"CAN SOMEBODY SHUT UP YOU-KNOW-WHO?!" asked Ron.

"I know!" Sirius took out James' wand, stuck it inside the Butt and fixed the two pieces back. "Stand back!" 

He tapped the Butt five times.

POOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Hogsmeade you could see a gigantic mushroom cloud of green gas. Dungbombs landed 50 miles away. Brown muck flooded the rooms. Then the house started to break apart. The Dungbombs pushed the pillars and smashed the walls. Although the gas was weightless the puff crashed the upper floors and the windows cracked. The gas swirled and turned into a tornado. It smashed the furniture and bashed anything its way. When Harry, Ron, Hermione, Sirius and Wormtail just started to run. The tornado sucked them up flying a hundred feet in the air. They ground then got further away. After 3 seconds Voldemort joined in laughing madly. Harry looked down and saw the ground spinning and he kept looping and rolling through the stench. It was so dizzying that they did not know which way is up. He turned just in time to see Hermione faint *bang* and then spun hopelessly in the mad teacup ride. He turned up and saw Ron swirling upwards and on the other side, Sirius screaming. Wormtail looked like he was dancing in mid-air as Voldemort started singing 'Mamamia'. They were flying crazily over the foul smell. They could not breathe for two reasons: the swirling air was too fast to breathe, the smell. Hermione obliviously was spinning and looping like she was in an invisible multi-axis simulator (a ride in space camps and theme parks where you roll and spin and loop). After 6 minutes in there, Harry's vision started to blur and then he could not see anything else.

When he woke up, there was silence. Voldemort was the first to talk.

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAMUAHAHAHA!"

Sirius admitted, "Maybe that didn't work."

Ron pointed, "The Asylum Ambulance!"

50 feet above them, an army of broomsticks hovered above. The doctors tied Voldemort to a board while he was busy singing 'Getting To Know You' to the poor unfortunate nurses. When they left for the Jolly Place Hospital For The Mentally-Challenged and People Like You-Know-Who, Wormtail asked Harry the most stupid question. "Can I stay with you?"

Harry replied, "Why?"

"I LOVE YOU!"

"I live with Muggles for your information?"

"But you can stay with Sirius. He is free!"

Harry felt as if a happy balloon was swelling in his stomach.

"He is free?"

"Yes, I surrendered myself to the Ministry of Magic. I'm now in Azkaban. I'm only Wormtail's clone."

He suddenly melted into green slime. "The real Pettigrew won't act gay," said Sirius. "Still got the Butt?"

"Yup."

"I shouldn't have given you that, knowin' you'll end up in danger. I just gave it to you so that it'll be protected. When term's over, you're comin' with me. You can still have fun with it for a while. Let's get back."

Harry quickly dressed for the End-of-Term Feast. He sat down and looked around. There was an empty seat where Hermione was supposed to sit. Unfortunately, she was at the hospital wing. She had developed a sore lump on her head because of all the collapsing *bang* (Hey, you're not supposed to say BANG! Only when you say 'faint' *bang*, then you BANG!). 

Dumbledore gave his speech. "An end of another year at Hogwarts. I would like to give some good news."

"First of all, Sirius Black will be your Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher next term. If you haven't been reading the Daily Prophet, you wouldn't have known his innocence. Secondly, the Dark Ages are over. Lord Voldemort will spend his life in an isolated asylum. So, nothing to worry about the securities. Finally, may the feast begin!"

Hermione arrived at the door with a bandage on her head. But she still looked sick.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Harry.

"That Anti-Faint Potion…It is foul tasting," replied Hermione as if she was about to throw up. She then took a huge gulp of water to wash off the taste.

"Oh. Now where's that blasted signal?"

"Uh-oh. Did you…"

"Yup, we have another operation."

"There it is!" said Ron. "Neville?"

Neville kicked the Dungbomb to the spy at the door.

Silence again. Then…

"NOW!!!!"

The atmosphere was again filled with Dungbombs and farts. Dumbledore then acted as the same commander. Parvati still acted as the tactic-maker. Harry ran up and down doing his jobs. Sprout and Flitwick immediately started the competition and again Sprout won. Hermione going back and forth as the potion was trying to push Hermione back up and bring back her consciousness. 

"EVERYBODY IN POSITION!"

Harry and the other Gryffindors except Hermione rushed into different places with different parties.

"DUNGBOMB SALUTE!"

Dungbombs were thrown around the hall like grenades. Hagrid and Peeves went back into their job and fired painful shots at students. If the job goes well, two Dungbombs would meet and explode in mid-air like fireworks.

"DEAN! LIGHT THE FIREWORKS!"

Dean lit up an unseen fuse and tons of fizzing, whirring fireworks sped everywhere. Everyone danced to avoid being hit by the speeding rockets. 

"MCGONAGALL! NOW!!!!!!"

McGonagall, who transfigured dust into water balloons filled with brown muck, pulled a rope that opened a huge trapdoor at top of the ceiling letting balloons in different colours fall onto the oblivious crowd.

"SEAMUS! THE FARTS!"

Seamus once again tapped the Butt three times and the air was filled with stench.

"QUIET!" Snape ordered. Everybody paused for a while. Then, McGonagall, who was enjoying herself, stuffed a Dungbomb in his mouth. "10 points from Slytherin for interrupting the celebration." The Dungbomb exploded in his mouth and he fainted *bang*. Then, they continued the Hogwarts War II. 

Dumbledore asked Harry, "Can I see that butt?"

Harry replied, "Sure."

Dumbledore examined the Butt. Snape revived from his Dungbomb 'nap'.

"This looks exactly like Snape's butt."

Snape looked at Dumbledore with disgust. "THAT IS AN INSULT!"

McGonagall stuffed Snape's mouth with another Dungbomb and he fainted *bang* a fraction of a second before it exploded.

"On the other hand, this IS Snape's butt."

"How?"

"I remembered the Marauders cloned something from Snape's. I think they cloned HIS BUTT!"

The word 'butt' echoed around the Hall. All the students, except Slytherin, if you don't count Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, collapsed laughing hysterically like Voldemort. Fortunately, Snape was still in Lala Land. 

"Hmmmm…THE ULTIMATE MISCHIEF…Can I see what's that, Harry?" asked Dumbledore, grinning. 

Fred and George came over, looking interested.  

"Er…I don't think you would like to know…"

"Why not? I should know too."

He tapped the Butt five times.

Hermione who heard the taps shouted, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

But it was too late. The Butt released its load.


End file.
